Awright, I'm-a do this in point form today.

*Anyone who says they don't like chocolate just hasn't found the right form of chocolate!
I used to one of those people.

*Some girl was handing out pink carnations for Mother's Day, and she gave me one. This was a bright spot in my day, only to be outdone by....

*....the"Cute Fed-Ex Guy" sighting in the corridor of our building. Our conversation was much longer this time since it mostly consisted of him teasing me about said Mothers' Day carnation.
Slowly but surely, I'm winning him over!

I've been posting comments to other people's blogs for the last 2 days and they just won't appear in the comments window!
Was there a unanimous decision to put me on "block" status or something?

C.O.T.
Pantyhose is an evil, evil thing.
It was produced by Satan himself, to cause chaos and turmoil in the lives of women (and some men).

I swear, if ya find the colour you want (sheer black), they'll be too frigging short and the crotch will only go as far up as the middle of your thigh!

If you find a pair long enough, they'll start to bag and sag at the ankles by about noon!

If then you find a pair that actually fits you perfectly, they'll cost $424.99, and they'll get a run in them for no reason whatsoever, as soon as you put them on!

THEN, if you're lucky enough to find a pair in your colour, that fits you perfectly, that's reasonably-priced, that by the grace of The Almighty you manage to put on without running them,...
somewhere, somehow, a vicious stray cat will find your ass and rip them to shreds!!
Schuupes, animal rights my big toe! That flea-ridden varmint messed with the wrong chick this time though.
May the R.S.P.C.A. never find the bones.

Guess what I discovered while getting ready for work this morning....wait for it....wait for it.....a grey hair! Me!
I've always wanted two streaks of white hair on either side of my head and it looks like I may be on my way to getting it!
Or maybe I'll just go white all over, like Storm.
Crawl would like that, I'm sure.
This is by far the most exciting thing that's happened to me all week!
Except for yesterday when the weird old janitor in our office winked at me...twice. I wish he wouldn't do that.

Why is it that whenever I go to the bank, behind me in the queue, there will always be a crusty, wierd old man who mutters to himself and insists on invading my personal space? It never fails.
I swear there must be a Crusty Old Men's Association (officially known as C.O.M.A.) that monitors my movements and sends one of their operatives into the bank behind me, with the sole purpose of making me uncomfortable!

Our DHL guy refuses to speak to me.
He jokes and chats with everyone in here except the Iyah.
In the group "Employees Who Sit In Full View Of The Door", I've been working here the longest, so ya would THINK he'd be more familiar with me! Even when he calls the office on the phone, he askes to speak to someone else JUST to ask if our package is ready to send off! What is his problem?
I don't even know why this bothers me so much.

All of a sudden, I find mutants sexy. Especially if they have dark blue skin, and tantalizing yellow eyes.
Crawl, if you ever read this, I love you baby! You turn me on in ways I never thought possible! I don't care that you only have a total of 6 fingers...it's not what you got, it's how you USE it!

C.O.T.
I don't like to cook.
I've been denying this to myself for the longest while, for fear that all the fellas I know will roll their eyes and put me in the category they like to call
"These 90's/New-Age/Femenist Women"
I know deep down that I should cook from time to time, but I realise that I don't like to do it mostly because my father keeps telling me that I have to cook, and he's sexist.
Yet another mental block I need to get over.

C.O.T.
I hate how people look at me when they find out I've never been in love. Their whole attitude changes to one of pity and condescension.
Fart on on all of them!

I just had me some barbequed spare ribs, and they're resting quite nicely in my tummy right now.
Unfortunately, I've developed a serious case of Ethnic Fatigue. Wonder if I can get away with taking a nap in the board room...

It's been two days since my last blog....and STILL no sign of spare ribs.
I may just have to go get 'em myself.

C.O.T.
It's Friday...
I know I should be rejoicing and doing cartwheels etc., but I don't feel like I have anything to look forward to for the next 2 days.
Maybe it's because there were so many bank holidays recently that my internal "Weekend-Detector" is all screwed up, and now sub-conciously, I think it's Monday!

I'm sitting here, minding my own business, quietly doin' some work,
when ALLUVVASUDDEN I got this unbelievable craving for meat!! I know..wierd.
And not just ANY meat either....barbequed spare ribs.
I think I kind of....need it right now. It's like this powerful yearning that's emanating from the very core of my being.
It's almost as if I don't get some spare ribs soon, I might have to chew on someone's arm.

National Heroes' Day Activities:
This morning I tried my hand at bakes again...and they PULLED, if I do say so myself!

Washed BOTH my parents cars...

Went to the beach. Why do people have to go and play cricket on a crowded beach? It makes NO sense.

Went to Ballroom.

I'd say it was an 80% productive day!

Last night I dreamed I was a member of some group who were carrying out a plan to destroy the Earth.
Now, it wasn't MY idea to destroy the Earth, and I certainly didn't WANT it to happen, but I wasn't as upset about it as I could've been!
The plan was to set off this Super-Missile/Bomb in a strategic place on the planet to cause world-wide flash-flooding....and all I could think about was how I hoped I would die in the explosion and NOT the flood!
And then, I looked at the clock and realised that we only had 21 hours left until the End Of The World, so we all had to scramble around to try to enjoy our last moments alive. I remember I was lookin' for someone to smooch.
How bizarre....I wonder what it all means.



C.O.T.
I hate feeling invisible...and I hate being around people who make me feel invisible.

I was in a quiet, pensive mood today....verging on miserable.
I wanted to go out, but then, when a friend called me up to go out, all I wanted to do was lounge around in my pajamas. One of my annoying traits: I'm indecisive sometimes. It even gets on MY nerves.

C.O.T.
I'm seeing interracial couples everywhere (other than the "rent-a-dred/old tourist woman" couples, that is!). I think it's so nice that people can overcome such obvious differences and get together like that.
I dunno if I could be comfortable goin' out with a white guy. Not that they're not cute, hell, some of 'em are downright scrumptious. It's just that Bajan white guys never seem interested, and foreign white guys seem TOO interested, if ya know what I mean.

Thieves!
Dirty rotten SCUM of human life!!! Not only do they take what doesn't belong to them, but in their greedy haste to get it, they DESTROY whatever is in their path! No %$@#& respect for other people's property!
Why can't we go back to the old ways? Why can't we cut off the hands of all those teefin' bastards? Why do the majority of them get away with it? Is there some higher power that watches over them?
It's absolutely crushing to think that one could work so hard for something, only to have some vile degenerate snatch it up with their cruddy, thieving fingers.
It's a goddamned VIOLATION, and not only is a physical object lost or destroyed, but a little part of one's spirit too!

Thieves, I spit on you!

Throat infection turned out to be a full out cold! Now where the hell could I have picked THIS up? This is the 3rd cold I've had for the year.
My immune system is TOTALLY wack!
Couldn't bare the thought of spending the whole day in the wintery conditions of the office so my ass stayed home today!

I gotta say, I DID feel kinda guilty spending the whole day in the house when I only JUST came back from vacation.
But hey, I'll get over it.

C.O.T.
Whassup with all the gym-mania I see lately?? Everybody always talkin' about they goin' to de gym... Not that it's a bad thing, of course...I guess it's cool that people taking such an active role in their health.
Personally, I'd rather get my work-out while shakin' my booty. And believe it or not, you can work up quite a sweat doin' chores, eg. cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the floors, raking leaves, mowing the lawn...etc.
And the bonus is, the house looks great! Yup, I excercise efficiently!

You, I sound a bit like Martha Stewart, yuh. That's not a good thing.

Here I am, rotting away in the frozen tundra of this office. The one thing I've missed is the constant internet connection!
And now, I've got a throat infection. It's as if my very immune system is rebelling against my being here.

Oh, how I long to frolic once more, in the sunshine, grains of white sand sparkling against my scantily-clad body... how I crave the soothing aroma of SPF 30 non-comedogenic sunscreen...alas, I left my heart at Accra.

My last day of vacation...strangely enough, I'm not that heart-broken. Maybe I've just had enough staying up late and getting up even later.
Yeah, I said it! I've had enough of waking up late! The time has come for me to confess again: I...am a morning person!
Well, more of a morning person than anyone else I know around my age.

Awright, on to my exciting Last Day of Vacation! I've separated my activities into 2 categories to make this easier...

Before 2pm: Cleaned my room. Gave myself a pedicure. I WILL have beautiful feet if it kills me!

After 2pm: Went to the beach, in one last effort to become the same Brown Goddess on the outside that I am on the inside!
This time was different though...THIS time I had my best friend for company! Makes all the difference in the world.
We discussed EVERYTHING about EVERYBODY on that beach...at length! From the guy who looked like he was expecting twins, to the "voluptuous" chick in the thong. Man, I figure if SHE cuh wear one and look good, I could get away wid it too!
I swear, if anybody overheard our conversations, we might just be mistaken for catty, airheads! *Gasp*

Saw a guy I used to go out with there too. Every time I see 'im, I want 'im all over again. But as the song goes, "he dun me wrong, and he ain't no good for me." Rats.

Thus concludes the highlights of my day.

Y'know what? Confession is good for the soul.

I Love Club Xtreme

The lights, my god, the lights! And the music! And the free drinks! Yaaaaaay!! Usually, free drinks aren't an issue for me, but dammit, I tried suh'in new!
I had, not 1, not 2...not even 6...but 7 Passoa and pineapples! An all time record for me! And I was only a TAD tipsy.

I only have one suggestion for the management: Death to Smokers!!! My hair smells like a frigging ash-tray.

Guinness Rush Hour Extract:
I waan big-up gals like Honey-Roasted and she sista , Tanama, Gemenii, and a man like Grind! Wha part RaithX did?

I was definately in "puppy-mode" last night (i.e. over-the-moon happy, for no apparent reason)!

Question: Why is it that every time I come home from a fete my body gotta feel like I went jumpin' down Spring Garden??

Ahhh, last night was divine!!

Here's the break down:

1. Had dinner with a handsome and charming man! Someone once said "Life is as good as the company you keep." In that case my life was fairly rosy last night!
Question: What IS it about fancy restaurants that gives them the right to charge you NAAAAFFFF moolah for 2 scrawny pieces-a shrimp, and a thimble full-a dipping sauce? I'll never get it!

2. Went dancing! A Latin Night was held to allow the peops in de ballroom fraternaty to mingle with the Russian dance troupe that performed here a while ago!!
It got fairly bashy after a while too, cuz de Russians wanted a taste of de "Wukkup Phenomenon"!! One of them ACTUALLY spun pooch properly! And den hit us wid a tremble that dun up de place!!! He was hot, ya!

I need me a Russian man.

Daana's New Favourite Sandwich:
Roasted eggplant and brie, with mango chutney, alfalfa sprouts and mayo, on a whole-wheat hoagie.
Simply orgasmic.

C.O.T.
It's Good Friday, which means all 4 members of the Linton family are home at one time. The house feels crowded. I dunno HOW I managed to wrestle my way to the computer but, with the grace of God, I managed it!
Where did the tradition of staying home and doing nothing on a Good Friday come from? If breaking this tradition is a sin then we're all goin' to hell in a hand-basket cuz
we went out periwinkle-ing just now, and it wasn't bad. We got half a plastic bag full! I really need to get out and around my beautiful country more often...check out all the less frequented coastlines.

When we got back home, I did some bakes! Yes, I actually cooked something. And I can be quite justified in saying that my bakes are "hard like big rock!"
My brother nearly chipped a tooth.

Wonder what else I can ruin?

Beach again today!
I felt like a movie star, posing on the lounge chair, sippin' my bottled water ( it was actually tap water) on the white sandy beach of a tropical island. I could definately get used to this! Beach liming all day, and dancing all night! All I gotta do now is formulate a money-making plan to sustain my dream lifestyle.

C.O.T.
Awright, if I understand this right, the point of the blog is to act as some kind of outlet for anything that's on the blogger's mind....maybe even,... dare I say it, a confessional! With that, I bring to you another shocking episode of....

Daana's Deep Dark Secrets *cue the spooky organ music*

Okay, this is really hard for me to say, but...I can never really relax while in the sea because I always get this feeling that some fish, or a shark, or a supposedly-extinct sea-monster will creep silently up to me when I'm not paying attention, and EAT ME TO DEATH!!!! AAAAAAAAH!
Phew. I think I feel a little better now.