Well, I made dinner tonight...but only under duress.
As soon as my brother and I got home, my father got Warren to mow the lawn, and he chucked two packages of mince meat in front of me and said "Here. Do something with that."

Aaaaaaaaargh! It gets me so vex that my father is hellbent on making me cook ! If he wanted me to cook to help out or because he thinks I'd be a better person for it, fine, I could deal with that....but NO! He wants me to cook because he thinks it's a woman's duty to cook!!! How in the name of Destiny's Child did I end up being born to a sexist father???

Needless to say, since I was cooking against my will, I didn't put any love into the food, and the mincemeat ended up too salty!
Dah Fuh Lick Yuh!!!!

Oh boo-hoo, what man will ever want me now?

Ohhhhh, all this thunder and dark clouds...usually they don't affect me much, but for some reason I'm feeling unusually lascivious this time.

"My whole body tingles, in need of an amorous entanglement. I need that heat."

He was staring at me again last night.
Why does he DO that? And why is it that he irks me so? I know he's attracted to me but it's like everything he says is just the WRONG thing! He tries too hard and it just doesn't work for him!
And it seems like I'm the only one who notices this. It must be me.
I just wish he'd stop staring at me when he thinks I'm not payin' attention.
And he could really try harder to hide the fact that whenever it looks like he's speaking to me, he's REALLY speaking to my breasts.

Okay, so I caved and had a piece of apple-pie last night.

I find that my resolve is so much weaker at night, when everything is quiet.
That's when I hear the voice of my Part B so much more clearly. She's so persuasive.

I also blame Lani and my brother. Lani's the one who baked the pie in the first place, and my brother is the one who didn't eat it fast enough to prevent it from tempting me.

Not gonna be too hard on myself though. I'm back on track!

C.O.T.

Damn, it's so hot right now!

Most Perfect Scenario I Can Think Of At The Moment

Me, stretched out in a big macramé hammock, underneath a tamarind/almond/shak-shak tree, beside a little table with a boombox (playing some Toni Braxton) and a pitcher of ice-cold lemonade, with a 19 yr. old, bare-back Polynesian hunk massaging my feet.

Ahhh, now THA'S what I'm talkin' about!

Captain's Log, Star-date 3.14

I would kill for a stick of sugarless gum right about now.

Hark! What was that thunderous racket? Sounded like a herd of panicked wildebeest just stampeded through the bridge! Or maybe it was just my empty stomache...

So what greeted me this morning for breakfast?
OATMEAL of all things!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to my Mum for making breakfast, but she’s s’posed to be on this low-carb diet too! We're tryin' out the "buddy system" approach. Anyhow, after I scolded her, she put on her best expression of wide-eyed innocence and said,
“Sorry Daanz, I didn’t know you meant oatmeal too.” Meanwhile scooping spoonfuls of the gooey stuff into her mouth.

Sigh…how am I s’posed to be strong when my own MOTHER is fighting me on this?
But oh, the tantalizing smell of warm, sweet, thick oatmeal…I’m proud to say that I resisted valiantly.

Score 1 for de Iyah.

Yummy Food That I'll Have To Give Up On This Low-Carb Diet I'm Trying

Anything wid flour in it (Sandwiches, pizza, pies, cakes, cookies [oh no! Not the cookies!] etc.)
Anyting wid sugar in it (alcohol, icecream, juice, soda, breath mints etc.)
Cereal
Tortilla chips
Macaroni pie
Potato (salad, mashed, baked, scalloped, etc.)

No more rotis...just protein, fruits and vegetables.

Why am I doin' this to myself?
I deserve only your pity for this.

I think this chick at ballroom is tryin' to steal my partner.
Why must she keep comin' and "borrowing" MY partner when dey got nuff udda men dat ain' got no friggin' partner??? Schuuupes.
Little does SHE know that her ploy ain't gonna work! She'll just have to find her own! Sneaky bitch.

C.O.T.
Forgot to mention that my new latin shoes
arrived the other day. I got 'em in flesh-coloured satin with 3" heels.
I dunno who these people are tryin' to fool when they call anything "flesh-coloured"! I mean, that certainly isn't the colour of MY flesh! Oh well, it'll still work I guess. It'll have to, cuz there's another show comin' up in November and we have some SERIOUS work to do!
I still haven't forgotten about my dream shoes
,...I'll just have to wait a little longer 'til we can be together!

My brother's surprise birthday party came off great! He was comPLETELY clueless about it, and the look on his face when everyone came out and yelled "Surprise!" was priceless!!!

And for once, HIS friends were way sportier than mine! Whassup with that? My friends gettin' old or wha?
And one-a his friends, who I thought was a whiny spoilsport at first, turned out to be bare kix after a few Banks'!
And did I mention hot? My man start doin' a strip tease to some groovy "flamming music" I had on....slowly unbuttonin' de shirt to reveal a surprisingly well-sculpted torso! Well...what was I supposed to do?
I did the only thing that seemed appropriate under the circumstances...I put a quarter in his belly-button! Haha! I know it's not nice to go encouraging the inebriated in their drunken antics, but he's just so much more FUN when he's tipsy, it's unbelievable! Plus he's a hottie.

Would it be wrong for me to try to pull at my little brother's friend?

Recently I’ve been struck by all the instances I see of gold-digging women around the place. I mean. I see absolutely gorgeous women hanging around with um, less-than-attractive-lookin’ fellas, and I’m told time and time again “Money, Daana, money.”

Awright, hold up! Am I the shallow one here?? Don’t looks count for ANYTHING anymore?
With women I mean, cuz with men it seems like looks are at the very top of their “Required qualities” list.
I just couldn't bring myself to be with someone who looked like say...Old Dirty Bastard from the Wu-Tang Clan, no matter WHAT the average balance on his bank account is! Please!

According to the typical BET music video, any uncouth, no-class, face-looks-like-a-horse-pooch-dat-been-shot-wid-platinum-bullets idiot out there can have his freakin’ PICK of long-legged, scantily-clad women, as long as he’s “ballin’”! Makes me sick. Then again, that IS how hookers operate. (And to think, this is the general image bein’ shown on the ONLY tv network that supposedly represents Black people. But that’s another blog.)

I myself have been accused of only goin’ for fellas that’re good-lookin’, and yeah, I’ll admit, if a guy looks hot he gets my attention initially, but by Tyson Beckford, if he doesn’t have the brains and good-nature (very important) to back it up, then he ain’t my type!

I finally got to see 28 Days Later last night with a couple friends. And yes, it was worth the wait.

I think this movie has had a profound affect on me. I was paranoid on the whole drive back home. Check me lookin' around nervously, half-expecting a mob of red-eyed madmen to jump out in front my car.
I can still feel the bitter taste of adrenaline in my mouth. It was THAT frikkin' scary!

And the main character, Jim (Mr. "Hello?", himself) cleans up REAL good.
That's right, I've developed a crush on him too. I gotta stop with these movie-star crushes of mine. It's a sickness, but it feels so good.
me/ refrains from squealing "Omigosh! He is SO cute!"

I need to see this man, uh movie, again.

Happy October everybody!

I hereby solemly swear that, if I am so lucky as to celebrate my 50th birthday, I will do everything in my power to refrain from

1.)Becoming a miserable old coot, too set in her ways to try anything new
2.) Boring everyone in my immediate vicinity with the same old tired stories
3.) Bothering about every little insignificant piece of crap that should present itself
4.)Immediately dismissing the reasoning of my younger (and more savvy) relatives.

Old people can be so vexing.

C.O.T.

If I could have 4 wishes right now (the standard 3, then 1 extra), and the genie granting them insisted that they could only be selfish, frivolous wishes), I know one of 'em would be to have a voice like Aretha Franklyn, Joan Armatrading and Carla Thomas.
A rich, powerful, soulful voice.
Yup, I'd be a blues/jazz singer on the weekends!

I need meat.
Aw man. I'm sitting here..absolutely starving. Yes yes, I DID have lunch, but good grief, there were no spare ribs!

My body is absolutely craving spare ribs. I think I may be deficient in Vitamin BBQ sauce, but I can't be sure about that. I'll get a second opinion from my doctor.
I need to haul my a$$ to TnT or suhin' before I collapse.


C.O.T.

What the hell is up with me? I gotta be allergic to SUH'IN around here, cuz recently I've just been erupting into these alarming fits of sneezing in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day, while driving, etc.
I took drastic measures yesterday and de-dusted my room as much as humanly possible, but it didn't work! I'm STILL sneezing like a friggin'....uh...thing that sneezes a lot.
Maybe I'll cave and get some allergy medicine to accompany my spare ribs.

I think I may have a challenge here.
I've entered a new ballroom partnership, and so far, I'm not sensing the same level of enthusiasm about it from my partner as I have.
This means that I'm gonna have to take charge in some ways,…assume the role of Initiator.
The problem with that, is that this is a role that I’m definitely not used to playing. This is gonna be difficult as rass.
If this is how he’s gonna be for the whole time we’re together, then I’m gonna have to rely on myself for motivation for the BOTH of us. Even thinking about it is draining me right now.
This’ll require a truckload-a inner strength and perseverance. Qualities which I’ve always wanted to develop in myself, and I guess this is my chance.
Yup, this’ll be good for me…like a kind of therapy.

Bring it on.


C.O.T.
I have a sneaking suspicion that Rix still reads my blogs.
RIX, IF YOU READ THIS, I’LL KNOW! YOU CAN’T HIDE IT!

I will never understand how anyone can use the words "I love you" so freely. Those are some dangerous words right there. They set off all kindsa bells and whistles in your head. Not to mention all dem chemical reactions that cloud your judgement.
*Sigh* All that commotion caused by what's s'posed to be JUST words. Just words, my ass.
And the sentence "I think I'm falling in love with you." wreaks JUST as much havoc on your system.

Isn't there s'posed to be some sorta standard length of time that a couple has to be "going out" before one or both parties involved decide that they're in love? Like a year, maybe?
Shit man, this ain' no game.
People cannot just go around saying "I love you" all willy-nilly like it ain't nuttin'! That can really mess someone up!

On a somewhat realated topic...

Rix ain't goin' nowhere for a while to come. Yup, he's gonna be in my life in a big way, and while I'm glad about that, I still gotta resist that temptation.
Damn cookie!

Okay...so I'm having a bit of a block as to what to blog about. So this here'll be fictional.
Yes, this is what my life SHOULD be like:

Good grief, this week is gonna be tough, but at least I got through the dreaded Monday alive! Yesterday, we had the new lighting system installed for the stage, so we had to practise the whole cabaret routine out on the lawn, of all places!
It wasn't TOO bad though, especially since HE showed up again to watch me!
Jonathon, beautiful Jonathon, always actin' like he doesn't want me. When's he gonna stop the facade and just give in?
He pretended to be "just passing by" again. Yeah right. I tellya, if he wasn't so bloody fine, I'd give up on him altogether.
Oh, who am I kidding! My heart was his from the first time i saw 'im! Just wish he'd get his act together.

Oh, and the place was PACKED again last night, as usual! Monty, our manager, gave us some big news after the show too: we're booked to go on a Caribbean tour for the next 3 months!
I couldn't believe it!
As head choreographer, dance principal in the show, AND lead singer in the band, this means I got some SERIOUS wuk to do!

Ok tha's it for now. Better grab some rest when I can!

Well, my quest for Beautiful Feet has been temporarily way-laid.
Yup, the toenail on the 2nd toe (my favourite one!) on my left foot has finally come completely off after hangin' on for a few weeks. Even though I knew I'd lose it (ever since I sustained the injury from a clumsy moment on my cruise when I banged my foot into my ballroom partner's heavy sneaker. I saw stars that day.), I still feel a sense of loss.
So much so, that I was inspired to write this poem:

Stripped Digit

Poor little toe,
Devoid of a nail
How could I know
You were destined to fail?

You lie with the others
Too pink and too naked
No more like your brothers
Not sure I can take it.

Where once was a nail
Now is uncovered skin.
I think I'll still paint you
Just so you'll fit in

Even though you're so bare
You haven't lost your "cutes"
Could this be an excuse
To buy some new boots?

All is not lost
Little toe, just hang on
You'll grow a new nail
And you're still my best one!

Yesterday was an unusually busy Saturday for me...instead of sleeping 'til 12, which is what I normally do after partying the night before, I got up at eight-friggin'-thirty to meet a guy(let's call 'im Bryan) in order to "help him out" as he put it, and be his partner for a Rhino Ryder excursion!

A Rhino Ryder is like a combination jet-ski/rubber dinghy, which seats 2 people, and the passenger has to sit RIGHT up behind the driver (i.e. in panty-mode) in order for this thing to go as fast as it can. Hmm, now that I think about it, it seems kinda sus...y'mean he had NO other female friends willing to do this thing? If this turns out to be a come-on (which I suspect it is), how can I turn him down nicely?

Oh well, I had a blast though! I should really make an effort to try more typical "tourist" activities!

The only thing that I had a slight problem with, happened during the snorkelling. Well, the whole point of the snorkelling was to feed the fish, and I guess I knew this but dammit, I am just NOT comfortable being surrounded by hundreds of fish, the size of your fore-arm, in a feeding-frenzy!
Our guide, Adrian, assured me that these fish were herbivorous, but I wasn't too sure...they kept circling me...slowly...watching me...waiting for the slightest sign of fear.
The other guide Hugh, a sadistic bastard, kept tossing bread over by me so that the fish would suddenly swoop around me in a blizzard of bubbles, fins and breadcrumbs! Just lemme catch him alone pun a night without that damn loaf-a bread!


The best part was the ride back in, when I got to drive! There are some things that just need to be said, and this is one of em':
Bryan drove like punk-ass beeyatch compared to me! I was all up in that Rhino Ryder mo'fo'!
Zig-zaggin' and doin' aqua-doughnuts and ting! Never mind I collided with some big-ass metal bouy that one time, I still rocked the boat...literally! :)

Yee-HA!

Whoah yeah...the more I look at them the more I want them...
This yearning grows stronger and stronger,... I can feel it in the very core of my being...
They are so sexy.
I'd love to have them...BOTH of them! A little double-team action never hurt anyone, right?

Someone told me the other day that lust is a bad thing, but I can't help it!
Behold the sexiness!!

Just lookin' at them turns me on...I'd love to feel them holding me as I rumba seductively across the floor.

They say the toes are erogenous zones.
One day they will be mine.

My grandfather's present housekeeper is quite a character. She seems unhindered by certain social graces that prevent most people from making personal comments to people they barely know. So I wasn't that surprised when, after not seeing me for months and months, the first thing out of her mouth this morning was
"Wait Daana, you hair look mock! You got on mock hair?" Slightly irritated, but not at all surprised.

This is, after all, the same person who informed me, with much authority that
"Drinkin' cold water does mek ya fat. You didn't know dat??"
If this is true, then people, throw out out your gym clothes, and stock up on cheesecake, because all hope is lost.