It's just one-a those Mondays.

A no-smile kinda day...

A day where you nearly buss ya ass tripping over the shoes that YOU left in the middle of the hallway, so you have no-one to blame but yourself.

A day in which you are screamed at for accidentally eating half of someone else's pop tart, even when you replace it with half of your own.

A day where an important cd mysteriously explodes inside your cd-rom disk drive in the office. No wait...that was Thursday.

Anyhow...here's to Tuesday.

Awright, here's the deal.

The majority of my buddies at my dance studio are goin' on a 10 day group trip, of which the highlight is a 7-day cruise! Those lucky buggers.

I'm under pressure now to have a ludicrous amount of fun while they're gone, so as to compensate for my inability to join them! Man, I just KNOW the stories they'll bring back will be absolute torture for me, so I need some experiences of my own to be able to remember with a smirk.

My fun must begin from tomorrow night at the very latest. Suggestions are welcome and indeed requested.

Had a date last night ...and it was less than thrilling to say the least.

Guys, if you've always wanted to treat your date like a piece of meat but never knew how, pay attention to the following tips:

7 Surefire Ways To Make Your Date Feel Like A Ho

1.) Ignore her dating suggestions and instead suggest going to the drive-in when a cheesy double feature is showing. Yeah, it'll be obvious what you really wanna do.

2.) Make no attempt at conversation except to answer her get-2-know-u questions as briefly as possible.

3.) Cut your date off when she's talking to make it clear that you aren't interested in anything that comes out of her mouth.

4.) Constantly attempt to make out with your date while she's trying to actually watch the movies.

5.) After the movies are over, ignore the yawns of your obviously tired date, and suggest that the two of you make a well-known park-out spot, your next stop.

6.) After she drops you home, call out to her "Next time you should really come inside." as she's hurriedly exiting your driveway. This'll really bring the message home to her about your plans.

7.) Make sure to follow these steps on the first date, otherwise the "date-cheapening" effect may be lessened.


I'm quite disappoined and disgusted.

My aunt took a trip and left her car at our house with a full tank of gas.
Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!

Now I'm not one to freak over big rides or anything, but despite my otherwise sensible nature, I DO admit that I feel quite fussy cruisin' around in a BMW, or a "bumwuh" as I affectionately call it.
The doors are heavy and gives one the feeling that one is opening the hatch of a space shuttle. Sweeeeet.

The only minor hitch was is that all the controls are switched over to the opposite side of what I'm used to. So whenever I attempt to flash my lights at an oncoming vehicle to allow them to turn in front of me, I end up squirting the windshield instead.
I will miss this.

C.O.T.

You know Kadooment day has finally left your system when you can pass a big bottle of glitter and not get the urge to sprinkle some on.
I'm still fighting it.

The Baje Thank U fete was jumpin' last night! What Harbour Lights what.

Now as much as I had a great time and all, there is STILL a couple of things to report that just ain't right.

1.) Skanks keep stealing my men.
It happened twice last night. A fella would come and chat me up, but then, out of the corner of his eye, he'd catch a glimpse of said skanks holding up their already meager skirts and flashing partygoers with their sequined panties, and he'd just drift off in mid-sentence, walking over to them as if in a trance.

Now, I can't blame a moth for being attracted to a flame, but geez, would you believe that after the hypnotique spell of the Glitter Pooch Show had faded, the fellas had the gall to come back over to me and ask for my digits? Riiiiight. As if I hadn't seen 'em turn into mindless hyenas, drooling with unbridled lust at the first (second and third)glimpse of ass cheek.
Show a little discretion, good god.

And 2.) As I was leaving, some idiot girl burned a patch of skin off my wrist with her rasshole cigarette! She shouldn't even be smoking in the first place! Had the pain not distracted me so much, I would've had the presence of mind to at least smack the offensive thing out of her hand and stomp it out, if not smack her upside her idiot head! The anger only kicked in on the drive home.

You know what is burning off a patch of skin with a cigarette??? That shit hurts!!

I'm trying to be understanding, and calm...but I'm really starting to dislike smokers. The more you think about it, they really are inconsiderate bastards. They pollute OTHER PEOPLE's air!
Can't wait for this ignorance to be banned.

Well, I'm feelin' good, feelin' great today and I have no idea why. I mean, there's no such thing as an LSD Fairy, is there?

Come to think of it, I may just have an idea why I'm so perky today: my horoscope was pretty encouraging yesterday, and while I don't really believe in horoscopes, the power of suggestion is a helluva thing.

C.O.T.

Just some random things that I've recently developed/renewed an appreciation for:

*Tans. Ever notice how the darker one's skin, the whiter one's teeth look!
*Peanut Punch smoothies from the Shake Shak in Julia's Nutrition Centre. Feels like a sin to drink the whole thing without sharing at least one sip with another human being.
*Clean, dry socks.
*Trees. Nothin' like a big tree on a blistering Kadooment day. Not only can you wukkup on it, but it gives you blessed, cooling shade as a bonus.

And so another Kadooment Day has passed. Well, almost...it's not Tuesday yet, but I'm so hurt right now, it's ridiculous.
A combination of sleep deprivation, and the onset of a head cold has me down for the count. Unfortuanately it's too hot to sleep and so, I blog.

The Jump Up (in point form)
* They messed up our music, so our stadium performance was somewhat off.
* I lost my shades
* I found $60 (I wanted to return it, but how do you find the "owner" among thousands?)
* The sun was blistering. Not a drop of rain.
* I wukked, jukked, wined, grined (grinded? ground?), "rolled" and had a general ball.
* Reached Spring Garden, ate, then hauled my sick rear home.



Confession: I am currently quite infatuated with one of our stilt walkers. I swear sometimes my unpredictable taste in men surprises even myself. I don't usually go for broomstick men with gold teeth, but somehow this one has turned my head.
Maybe it's because he's got a nicely-shaped head.
Maybe it's the novelty of us having the same first name.
Or maybe it's his impressive fire-eating skills....I mean, if he eats fire who knows what else he eats (*wink wink* oh, I'm horrible)!

Yes, it's been a while.

Even though it's nearly the peak of the Crop Over season, I find myself with a strange case of writer's block. Right now I should be all hype and and into the swing of things, but instead I'm feeling very quiet.

It's like all this activity and Crop Over chaos is just a temporary distraction to how empty I feel inside. When it's all over, I may have to do some serious soul-searching.

C.O.T.

The Plaited Macker is trying to hook me up with a friend of his. I hate being set-up. It's so much pressure. I'm trying to be relaxed and go with the flow, but you know how it is when you can sense the nervousness in the other person.

I don't think this is going to work out.

Well...they've done it. CBC has officially switched to a digital signal, hence plunging thousands of Multichoice pirates into the cold abyss that is Channel 8.

Since this travesty, I've noticed that the members of this household have been loitering around my father's sea-water aquarium and gazing at the marine life, with blank expressions. Someone has even pulled up an armchair for a more relaxed viewing experience.

C.O.T.

Well, I met the lovely fiancé of my boyishly handsome water-fight partner the other night. Aaaaargh, doesn't that JUST figure! Not only is she a stone fox, but she's a cool chick who knows how to shake her booty, which earns her nuff respect in my book.
Don't ya hate when they make it hard for ya to hate 'em?
Hmm, I wonder if she's cool enuff to let me borrow her dude for a minute? I'll bet she'd respect it if I asked first.
(I'm just kidding!)


C.O.T.

I HAD a date scheduled for last night, but brother man had to cancel since he had errands to run before his flight out today (At least he swung by to say bye). It seems like I'm only into fellas who're unavailable. Is my subconcious trying to tell me something? Recently the words "aloof" and "stone" have been used to describe me, and I have mixed feelings about this.

Riddle:

How does one elude a big, scary personal trainer, hell-bent on running one ragged (in more ways than one! Yipe!)?
I feel like a striped cat, running from a highly intense Pepe Le Pew.

C.O.T.

If I was one of the casualties of a bomb blast *makes the sign of the cross* I'm not so sure I would really appreciate the "moment of silence" that is so commonly offered in their honour. Maybe this is just another one of those things that's more to comfort the living mourners.
Me, I'd prefer a "moment of flattery"!

Joss Stone is fairly underrated. I LOVE her soulful singing style, and her "flower child" wardrobe. And she's so cute too!

This weekend was absolutely scrambubbly! Yes, I have taken to making up words also.
Baje on Friday night (well, Saturday morning) was fabulous. Of course, that had much to do with the company one keeps. Here's to making new friends!
And here's to playful yet sexually-charged water fights with said new friends. *wink*

There's no better time to be single than Crop Over!

I finally got to watch the The Bourne Identity in it's entirety.
The 1st time I tried to watch was with some dude at a late night showing in the Olympus. I had absolutely no interest in seeing the movie, and was fighting off sleep the whole time.

May I just say that Matt Damon is quite a hottie in this role. I like Jason Bourne's reaction when Marie gave him a little peck after he just finished chopping off all her hair...as if he didn't know how to take it. So cute.
I tellya, no black woman is gonna get turned on after a man massecres her tresses like he did.

C.O.T.

The Island Fitness Pageant (at which my partner and I performed) was last night, and now THAT is inspiring! Those girls worked so hard, and they now have the physiques to show for it.
The show's motto is "A body to die for, through training to die from." And they ain't kidding.
One girl commented that she frequently gets the urge to walk about nekkid now.
I guess that's what toned thighs, a washboard stomach and a ripped upper body will do for your confidence!
You go girls!

Well...earlier this week I had an interesting episode which demonstrated how one's attitude can change an experience.

My dance partner introduced me to another dance lift and I'm ashamed to say, it freaked me out just a little at the time.
I was quite disappointed in my own lack of professionalism.
I'm over it now.

Description of the lift:
Girl runs up to Guy and jumps straight up while Guy hoists her into the air with his hands around her waist, then catches her by wrapping his arms around her hip area. Girl's tummy is now directly in line with Guy's face, then Girl slides slowly down the front of his body, until Girl's feet regain contact with the floor.

Now...in this move, Bettina and Ichiko are passing awfully close to, and maybe even brushing against *cringe*, this dude's face.
When he explained the move to me, I gasped and sputtered, and was NOT too pleased about it.
I threatened to slap the black off him if I should detect even the slightest hint that he may be enjoying himself too much.

"I know you don't wanna put your boobs in my face, but don't think about it, just put 'em in my face." he said.
Is this guy for real?
"If it's any consolation ," he offered cheerfully "I don't find you attractive in the least."

That's my partner, ladies and gentlemen. Such a charmer.

My Crop Over season is off to a rollicking good start.

The Baje Launch fete was pretty groovy, even though the whole place smelled kinda wierd (what's up with that). I LOVED the performance by the Indian dancing girls, in keeping with the Karma theme!

The Heineken Full Moon party was absolutly kickin'! Nice informal beachy kinda feel...lovely! The old dub sesh was grindy and I got down appropriately.

Here's to more of the same!

C.O.T.

What the heck is wrong with shopping in Broad Street Mall??

Geez, some people are such bougie snobs.

I don't know why, but this scenario was knockin' around in my mind just now.
Please, no-one call the police, this is yet another fictional blog.



She started to cry...slowly a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Why are you crying Nao?" he asked gently? "Are you afraid of what's goin' to happen now?" as he stroked her hair, holding her head to his chest.

"Yes" she whispered hopelessly. The feel of his calloused fingers on her skin made her want to throw-up but her bound body made it impossible to recoil from him.

"Don't be scared...I don't want you to be scared...you'll feel better when it's all over...you know I have to do this." Still stroking her hair.

She swung her head from side to side, as far as his sour embrace would allow.
"You don't have to do this...you could let me go....just let me go....you don't have to..." she pleaded weakly.

"Yes I DO!!" he roared and yanked her head back by her hair. She didn't have the strength to scream out in pain.

Her body went limp as she realised that it was over. She was alone, in the hands of a mad man. She closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at the sharp, sinister tools hanging on the wall, and she tried to push her spirit from her body before the real pain began.

Being stuck in snail-pace traffic is a great opportunity to make anthropological observations.
Here are the top 5 activities carried out by motorists while driving:

5.) Eating
4.) Drinking
3.) Singing
2.) Nose-picking
1.) Cell-phone chatting

I still can't believe I pass so many people picking their noses on the road.

Pride is a helluva thing.

How far would you go to prove someone wrong? Would you deny your deepest desires, your natural urges...your very SELF, just so that that other person won't know that they're right?
Sometimes I think I need someone to sit me down and tell me it's okay to let go of my pride occasionally...stop with the crazy stubbornness and just give in...just give up.

Today's lesson is "If at first you don't succeed, juk, juk again."

Tried my hand (or is it hips?) at the bar-top dancing competition at Jungles again last night, and came out victorious with the title of Queen of The Jungle and a $75 bar tab!
Yee-HA! Feelin' like a cowgirl!

And congrats to the lady in red (who, incidentally wasn't wearing a scrap of red...that we could see anyway, haha) who won the blowjob competition! Woo....scandelous!

And I introduced 2 eager young martial artists to the joys of bodyshots (not with me, with each other. I know what y'all were thinking)!

It was a good night.

Govan, ya stood up de girls, and missed all THAT action! Whassup with that, mang?
*shakes head.

Went to check out Mr. & Mrs. Smith last night, and I just want to go on record as saying that Brad and Angelina are TOTALLY believable as a couple on-screen.
They had MAD chemistry!
The two of 'em were just so....hot!

I caught myself mumbling "Get in dey, Angelina!" quite frequently during this movie.

I couldn't take my eyes off 'em in the love scene. It almost hurt to blink.

Woo.