Had a date last night ...and it was less than thrilling to say the least.

Guys, if you've always wanted to treat your date like a piece of meat but never knew how, pay attention to the following tips:

7 Surefire Ways To Make Your Date Feel Like A Ho

1.) Ignore her dating suggestions and instead suggest going to the drive-in when a cheesy double feature is showing. Yeah, it'll be obvious what you really wanna do.

2.) Make no attempt at conversation except to answer her get-2-know-u questions as briefly as possible.

3.) Cut your date off when she's talking to make it clear that you aren't interested in anything that comes out of her mouth.

4.) Constantly attempt to make out with your date while she's trying to actually watch the movies.

5.) After the movies are over, ignore the yawns of your obviously tired date, and suggest that the two of you make a well-known park-out spot, your next stop.

6.) After she drops you home, call out to her "Next time you should really come inside." as she's hurriedly exiting your driveway. This'll really bring the message home to her about your plans.

7.) Make sure to follow these steps on the first date, otherwise the "date-cheapening" effect may be lessened.


I'm quite disappoined and disgusted.

My aunt took a trip and left her car at our house with a full tank of gas.
Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!

Now I'm not one to freak over big rides or anything, but despite my otherwise sensible nature, I DO admit that I feel quite fussy cruisin' around in a BMW, or a "bumwuh" as I affectionately call it.
The doors are heavy and gives one the feeling that one is opening the hatch of a space shuttle. Sweeeeet.

The only minor hitch was is that all the controls are switched over to the opposite side of what I'm used to. So whenever I attempt to flash my lights at an oncoming vehicle to allow them to turn in front of me, I end up squirting the windshield instead.
I will miss this.

C.O.T.

You know Kadooment day has finally left your system when you can pass a big bottle of glitter and not get the urge to sprinkle some on.
I'm still fighting it.