With complete confidence in my own heterosexuality, I would like to make following comments:

1.)DAMN! The lead singer of the Pussy Cat Dolls is FINE! I gotta say, watching the "Buttons" video is inspiring in so many ways! I reccommend watching it (likewise the "Bootylicious" video by Desyiny's Child or the "Get the Party Started" video by Pink) before goin' out for a night on the town. It certainly puts ya in the appropriate femme-fatale, ready-for-anything kinda mood!

2.) Last Saturday night I found myself in the presence of an acqaintance of mine: a total knockout of a woman. The men in the bar became puddles in their seats as she walked by, which I've noticed is the norm whenever she's near.
With her petite stature, stellar physique, flawless caramel skin, scandelous fashion sense and angelic face, she commands the attention of every male entity in the vicinity, and I must admit that I get a kick out of simply knowing her, for she has been the topic of conversation for many of my male friends.

She joined the Private and I for a drink and a brief chat and during that time, I noticed something: there was absolutely no discomfort on my part! I dare say that it is usual for a chick to feel a little insecure when placed beside another who she believes is more attractive than herself, (especially when that "other" is chatting so animatedly to her boyfriend) but I felt totally at ease.

I believe the reason for this is that, in the presence of such outward perfection, the usual spirit of competition is extinguished with the knowlege that this time, there IS no competition: the Knockout wins, end of story and there's no point in begrudging her that victory! May as well just bask in her glory like everyone else and have a strawberry margarita!

Oh, and I'd like to point out to all the ladies out there, something else I discovered: the hotness of one woman doesn't detract from the hotness of another, so give up all these petty jealousies that make our lives so much more difficult.

Shakira and Beyonce are very different but I love to see BOTH of 'em perform!

Alright, the time has come for me to stop being such a damn recluse. It's okay to let people in on (some of) my thoughts. Sometimes, it's okay to be vulnerable...to let that guard down and let my views out, to open myself to the world wide web.
Repeating that last line in my head made me picture the deep and mysterious ocean. I guess there're quite a few parallels between the sea and the internet.

C.O.T.

As I was washing the dishes after breakfast this morning, I stabbed mysef in the finger with my dad's xtra sharp breakfast fork. Purely by accident of course. For whatever reason he likes his cutlery like surgical instruments and indeed his favourite dinner knife looks ike a scalpel. Lost dream issues? Maybe.

C.O.T.

I LOVE Justin Timberlake's song "Sexy Back". I've been waiting for guys to start being sexy again!

The beat makes me wanna pop the booty! In fact...I think I will!

Wet Fete was fabulous, and the highlight of the night was interviewing Leftside & Esco aka Dr. Evil. Leftside looks like Taye Diggs, and Esco....well, Esco is just tall and frikkin' gorgeous! After interviewing pretty lady after pretty lady for the benefit of my producer and cameraman, finally something for Daana! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!


C.O.T.

Operation Torture-The-Ex has been successful! Sure, it took a couple years, but the sucker has finally realised what he missed out on! Yes, I DO feel quite smug right now. I just love it when they get tipsy enough to confess what's goin' on in their heads.

Moral of the story: if you're wronged, react with grace and restraint. Might take a while but it won't go unrewarded.

The neighbors have gone overseas and have entrusted ME with walking their dogs. Feelin'kinda fussy about it too! This is the perfect chance to try out the tecniques I picked up from The Dog Whisperer!

There're three of 'em: a small, white, hairy, calm male, and two medium-sized, brown, close-haired, rambuctious females. Snuggles, Holly and Kay respectively.

Last night was the first run and, knowing that I probably couldn't handle all three by myself, I drafted the brother and the boyfriend to K-9 duty too.
The Private kept suggesting that I wear sneakers but I scoffed, saying "Sneakers? Please! This is gonna be an easy stroll around de neighborhood. I ain' joggin' nuhwhere!"

Well, if there's one thing I am, it's woman enough to say when I'm wrong. I was wrong, okay? And The Private was right. Clopping along in flip-flops, and having to stop ever so often to retrieve one didn't make for efficient dog-walking. I'll step up my game tonight.


Brilliant addition to my fitness routine!

I guess I've always suspected as much but I needed to test it out for myself.
Yes, I have uncovered one of the great lies of the cosmetic industry: shampoo CAN be used as a shower gel!

Therefore it stands to reason that shower gel can be used as shampoo, and who knows, maybe in years to come I'll develop the ovaries to prove/disprove this.

Wait...now that I think about it, liquid hand-soap could probably stand in for shampoo AND shower gel!

Whoa. Lemme stop before somebody's mind is blown.

C.O.T.

I've started my crop-over with the standard Baje fetes every Friday night, and dammit, I intend to enjoy every minute of it! If I like the music, I WILL dance and that's all there is to it.
To hell with the girls who stand on the sidelines and and look at me in disdain when I boogie solo. I'M the one havin' fun; what are THEY doin' with their $15-$20?

However I've made the decision to walk with earplugs when I fete. Am I now too old, or is the volume just too frikkin' loud at these fetes???

Damn.

You know you've really made it as "Somebody" when you have a whole ideology named after you!

May I feel fussy now?

Y'know what combination REALLY boils my blood? I mean REALLY gets to me?
An arrogant prick/smug bastard combo.

When you have two jerks who're tryna steal your energy. I dunno if they think that they can do it all by themselves or what!
Very seldom do I see one guy kissing another guy's ass so thoroughly! That arrogant prick is only out to get the best of me, I just know it! I won't let him though, he thinks he can just say whatever he wants to people and expect them not to get offended?? He'll GET what's coming to him!
AS for that smug bastard, I'm gonna do all that I can to wipe that smirk of superiority off his stupid face!

C.O.T.

I got a response from Olympus Theatres to my letter! It thanked me for my comments and said that the nachos were on the way! It also invited me to try the fresh, hot wontons at the new chinese food place. I just might try 'em too!

C.O.T.

Dove Intense Moisturising Conditioner: Try it today!
I must thank Lani for introducing me to this lovely product.
I've discovered that it's FABULOUS as a leave-in: it's great at calming the dry frizz that WAS my hair when I used to use other conditioners and wash them out!
Plus it's fragrance mixes well with my usual hair moisturizer: Africa's Best Herbal Oil.

Awright, so this morning I emailed the Olympus theatres about their lack of nachos and accompanying dips.

If I ever get a response, I'll keep everyone posted.

C.O.T.

Mango season is here again, hallelujah!
However, my plan to eat 'em 'til I turn orange has been dampened somewhat, since my Grandad's tree doesn't seem as fertile this year as it has been before.
And what few mangoes there are, the wretched birds seem to get 'em first!

I hate birds. Nah, I don't hate 'em...I just wish they'd go eat the soursops instead of my round, luscious mangoes.

I was so bent on getting the good ones that I climbed the tree. In my work skirt.
Haven't climbed a tree in years and I must say, I was surprised at my grace! It was an empowering experience. I felt like a jungle woman. Even the black ants covering the tree recognised the aura of "oneness with nature" coming from me (yes, I WAS wearing deodorant) and refrained from stinging me.

The power of the mango is undeniable.

I am officially witholding my patronage of Woolworth's lingerie department. Yeah, they're economical, but is it worth the grief?

How is it possible that there is never one single size 36D bra on the entire floor...in ANY brand??? I've visited this store about 6 times in the last year and it's always "Oh, dem outa stock." Not good enough! And they never know when the next shipment is due either! I dunno, maybe they don't think it's any of my business and they don't wanna tell me. Maybe it's top secret info or something.

However my guess is that the lazy floor attendants don't want to go and check. They even act like my asking a question is an unwelcome interruption of their rivetting conversation. AAAARGH!

Kind of a C.O.T., But Not Really

And then I've realised the last FOUR times I've been to the Olympus, THERE WERE NO NACHOS!! That's the only thing I'll eat from their menu! I don't think anything else on their list is worth the price! When asked why there never seem to be nachos in the Olympus anymore, the cashier said "Cuz we ain' get in any."

What kind of a stupid fuckin' answer is THAT? Duh, we don't have them because we don't have them. That is, in essence, what the woman said! These people just do not care about how they come across to anyone!!!

If you don't know, say "Well, I'm not really sure myself mam, I like the nachos too, but our supplier hasn't visited in a while." Make something up if necessary! Identify with the customer! Endear yourself to the customer! Make the customer WANT to spend money with you!

Makes sense to me!!!

I have reached a new level of independence: I cut my hair all by myself!!

All the hair professionals and beauty books warn against cutting one's own hair, but I threw caution to the wind, took the bull by the horns and bit the bullet (which, when done all at once, is quite a cardiovascular workout)!

I took off about an inch and a half all over and I didn't just chop it off in one swell foop either... that's right, I used a method. A section at a time and 15 minutes later I was done! And it's even too!

Funny how my hair seems so much shorter after losing only 1 1/2".

I believe "invigorated" is the word to describe how I feel.

Well, I'm officially 26 years old as of May 14th. That's right, Mother's Day. I don't resent honouring my Mum on Mother's Day (or ANY day for that matter), but it sure is a bummer when it coincides with my birthday (Guess it's your turn next Lani). I hope this doesn't earn me a nomination for Horrible Person of The Month.


Twenty-six...that just feels so foreign in my mouth, as if it couldn't possibly be used to describe me. I've already started checking for wrinkles around my eyes. I'm gonna be workin' the sunscreen like nobody's business from now on, watching what I eat, and doin' plenty of toning excercises. I wanna be one-a those fabulous older ladies who have all de young boys checkin' them out.

I want to get myself a birthday gift, but I'm horrible at treating myself: I always think "Oh, that's not actually necessary, groceries would be of far more use to you!"
But I've GOT to stop thinking like that. I AM worth the occasional splurge!

Ok, so I'm gonna treat myself to one of the following:
a.) A new phone
b.) Red streaks in my hair
c.) A new outfit

Haven't decided yet. This could take some time.

Oh...my...GOSH! Right this moment I'm freakin' the heck out because DJ John Doe is bringing down some CLASSIC wukkup tune! Cheese-cutta Wine, Balance Batty, Short Pants, oh my! Now he's playing Zouk La C'est Sel..or whatever you call it!
Oh the memories! I'm getting flushed just thinking about 'em!

C.O.T.

I can't believe I almost forgot to blog about this.

A lil' while ago it was baccanal on Crystal Avenue (mi barrio). We have a neighbor who I refer to as The British Twinky because a) she's from England, b) she's blonde and c) all she ever wears to do her yardwork is one of her many, many bikinis. Dad tells me I should go do yardwork in MY bikini to show her how it's s'posed to look.
This suggestion disturbs me somewhat.

Back to the story. Twink owns a couple-a pitbulls and when she moved here, all the neighbors got a lil' anxious, even though she put up extra fence. Well, early Saturday morning about 2 weeks ago, her "adopted" pitbull jumped over her wall and chased a young dude down our avenue! The poor guy just happened to bail over OUR wall (crushing Dad's crotons, he lamented later on) and land on his head on the lawn. He was terrified. He couldn't even speak properly when my parents brought him into our living room.

Well, this incident absolutely infuriated my parents and they each handled in it their own way. My Mum stood on our patio in her nightie and hollared across the road like a crazy person, at Twink's house (empty at the time), and my Dad simply called the police. Twink really hasn't been in his good books since she wrongly accused him of poisoning her cat a few weeks after she moved here.

It was something else when the cops actually came too.

The young dude was ok, praise the Lord, but apparently his mum's Jamaican, so I don't think this'll end here.

* My room is finally getting painted! I have assumed the role of Head-painter and I've drafted the Private into assisting me. Boyfriends sure are handy. If only I'd realised this sooner.

I had some serious trouble deciding what colour to go with. I love the present colour, Misty Jade (a baby aquamarine), but it's been that colour for 25 years so I'm looking for a change. I considered Yellow Rose, Anemone (a purplish-pink) and Spring Fest (a fresh green), but I decided to go with Tropical Tides (a sea blue). I have to say, I feel a little like a sell-out since everybody and dem parakeet seems to go for some shade of blue or the other. Left up to my father, he'd choose off-white. I couldn't allow that. People, don't let off-white happen to you.

C.O.T.

I don't know how to act around workmen. I feel that if I'm too relaxed and friendly, they'll see it as an opportunity to hit on me (it's happened before).
On the other hand, I end up feeling stand-offish and snobby if I don't at least engage in small-talk.
Ordinarily this wouldn't be such a dilemma, however, recently I've found myself virtually surrounded by workmen: they're painting and repairing my Grandad's house, a couple were fixing the awnings on our house, and there're about 5 building the house next door to us, about 7 feet from my bedroom window.

Thank goodness for the scrawny pomegranite tree blocking any would-be voyeurs from peeking in on me when I absent-mindedly let down my guard AND my bath-towel!

Well, I'm quite outraged at the last episode of America's Next Top Model.

I realise that one must be adaptable in that biz, but good grief, why would they give a model the ultimatum of having to undergo the surgical closing of the gap between her teeth, or face almost certain dismissal from the show??? Isn't that a little drastic?

I mean, her teeth aren't even crooked, it's JUST a little gap in her teeth! It looks perfectly fine to me, and to the girl herself too apparently, because she told them that the gap is a part of who she is. Tyra and the gang were appalled at her high self esteem (how DARE she be happy with the way she was born!).

They SAY they like it when their models have a unique look, so what's wrong with hers? I hate how they suggest that to be beautiful one must conform to the standard they've chosen.

What the international modelling industry seems to be ignoring is that they have the power to market almost ANY look!
One thing that has become apparent to me from watching this show is that, with make-up and air-brushing, even an average-looking person can be a magazine model!

I dunno, maybe the gap-in-the-teeth issue is the straw that broke the camel's back for me because I myself have slightly crooked teeth which I happen to think are kinda cute. My Granddad tells me from time-to-time about how I'd look so much better if I had them straightened.



But here's the thing...I don't want some generic toothepaste-advertisement smile...I like the character of the one that God and I came up with already.

I have bad news.

My Great-Uncle Norman* and his wife, Aunty Martonia* have come to stay with my Grandad for 3 weeks.

I don't mind Uncle Norman at all, in fact he's so easy to like: an easy-going, sporty, relaxed kinda dude. It's Aunty Martonia that's the problem. She's a tall, shrill-voiced, argumentative, domineering, control-freak. Everyone feels sorry for Uncle Norman.

Under any other circumstances I wouldn't mind them coming to visit, but I happen to spend quite a bit of time at my Grandfather's house.

I can't believe how she sprawls her large frame in my late Granny's armchair at 6 pm, as if she's Queen of the Castle, listening to her walkman, NOT watching tv, yet commandeering my usual vantage point from which I take in Days of Our Lives and bond with my Grandad.
How DARE she.
I just KNOW she's power-tripping on this.

2 and a frikking half more weeks of this.

*Names have been changed

It's like something from a nightmare: one of those transluscent-skinned lizards, has set up residence in my bedroom!
I don't like them one little bit; they don't even look like proper lizards...more like a zombie version with their pale skin.

Worse still, I believe its favourite spot in the room, is right down behind my bed. I've been trying not to think about it, but it's time that I face this thing.

I've caught it...looking at me while I was sleeping a couple of times. I would slowly drift to the surface of my morning consciousness, eyes cracking open, and there it'd be, peeping out from the crevice between the wall and my bed, just inches away from me. Of course I'd jump, and it would dart back out of site, leaving me feeling strangely violated.

I don't necessarily want it dead, i just don't want it anywhere near me.

Thanks so much to the all the well-wishers: my partner and I won BOTH our categories!

Yee-HAW!

But the REAL victory was that my false eyelashes stayed on the entire time! That's the first time I've competed in 'em, and they did JUST what they're s'posed to do: stay put, and make my eyes look extra fabulous. I recommend 'em to any lady.

Oh, and the bra part of my costume held up quite nicely too. This was also the first time I've showed that much skin in a competition. Didn't look too bad, but I can see I'm gonna be working on some areas over the coming months.

C.O.T.

I've come down with tonsilitis. Hurts to eat. Bring on the antibiotics.

Phew! Finally managed to break that box of silence!

It's that time again...THE biggest latin dance competition of the year:
Jahbulani's Strictly Latin 2006! THIS Saturday 25th March! Tomorrow!

Am I competing? Hell yeah!

Am I ready? As ready as I'll ever be!

Is my costume ready? Nope!
This evening I gotta catch the 5pm flight to St. Lucy, over to my seamster to get the thing fitted. This is the first time I'm tryin' this guy, so I'm praying that it turns out ok. I'm especially worried about the built in bra part of the 'stume. Please Lord, please let it be as supportive as I need it to be.

This time there're gonna be about 6 or 7 couples in the advanced category! Now DIS is competition!!!
I gotta say, I'm starting to feel pumped for this thing! The last couple rehearsals went pretty well, and I'm feeling ready.

I wasn't in the last Strictly Latin, so this time I have a point to prove, dammit!

I tried to hold out, but it looks like I too, am off to Trinidad for Carnival. Today actually.

Let me make it absolutely clear that my main reason for goin' is to visit wid de Lanster, NOT to fete 'til I drop, and certainly not to work. I have hopes that this'll serve as a vacation as well, and I'll finally get some rest, but I suspect that there'll be individuals who'll do their best (and their worst) to thwart my plans.

Yes, I DO intend to take in a couple fetes and release some stress, but gone are the days where I do things that I don't want to do.
Heaven help the poor soul who tries to make my waist do even ONE more gyration than is absolutely necessary!

If anyone senses reluctance on my part for this trip, it's mainly because I have to leave behind a certain young man. Again.
Ah well. Only for 9 days, I s'pose.

Well, the Dance Extravaganza came off without a hitch last Saturday. Managed to glue on all the sequins to my costume just in time too.

The performances were great, ESPECIALLY those of the Swedish Open Championship couple, Kevin and Anna (neither of whom are actually Swedish)! They were poised, crisp and expressive. Inspiring, I tellya.

I'm so happy to be part of shows like this. Ahh, the thrill and glamour of performance! I danced in fake eyelashes for the first time. Three words: I love 'em!
They really make your eyes pop!

My partner and I made few mistakes in our routines, but I think we covered well (keep smiling like nothing went wrong!). We even managed to throw down some acting in our presentations. Yeah baby, we gettin' versatile!
The only problem was that for our 1st piece (for which I thought up the concept), the emcee neglected to read the synopsis to the audience! Aaargh! And the synopsis was necessary to fully appreciate the piece too! We were cheated!

Entitled "Trapped in the Radio" it portrayed 2 ballroom dancers who find themselves mysteriously (you guessed it) trapped inside a radio. Slaves to the music, they're forced to dance to whatever plays as the radio dial is turned.

I just know people were in the audience thinking "It's nice...but what does it mean???"

Sigh. Oh well.

Next up is the Jahbulani's Strictly Latin 2006 in March.